Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
