The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
