He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
