He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
