Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
