I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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