Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
