Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Your dad touched me again.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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