you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
