There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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