I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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