I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
