I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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