we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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