I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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