I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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