The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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