Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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