I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
