You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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