my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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