she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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