It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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