Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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