If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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