I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
