By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
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She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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