Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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