I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
