woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
