Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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