sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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