So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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