ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
