is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Farmville is her only friend.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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