you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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