nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
pray to the hookup gods
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
