what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
