I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
