I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
