I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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