There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
someone owes me an orgasm
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
