Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
