I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
