Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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