Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize