Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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