im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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