I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
