I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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