she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
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and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
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the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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