maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
NoShamevember. You game?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
