went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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