she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
