well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
