you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you would pick up someone in the library
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
