I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize