Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
as a side note pls kill me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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