how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize