Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
