The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
