Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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