went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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