is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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