How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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