If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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