next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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