You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
