saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think my fart just growled at me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
