There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
