I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
