two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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