You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think people are normalizing furries
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
