If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
