i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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