There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I believe in your delicious
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
