I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
