at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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